Discover the Secret to Lasting Happiness: Why You Should Focus on Yourself First

Everyone wants to be happy! It’s not just a daily goal, it’s a lifetime one. But do we really know what it means to be happy? And do we have unrealistic expectations of happiness? Energy healer, personal development coach, and workshop facilitator Lia Bernardo gives us a clear picture on what happiness really is.
What is it really?
When we think of happiness, most of us imagine running through a field barefoot with the wind in our hair, laughing, and maybe holding a kite… with music playing in the background. Blame Hollywood and fashion magazines for this scene. But when you look into your heart, what exactly makes you really and truly happy? It’s got to take a lot more than a kite, bare feet, and grass.
“Happiness is a state of being,” says Lia. “I would the define happiness as the constant presence of joy that one feels in the heart, where there is union with the body, mind, and spirit. Look at a person and you can immediately tell if they are happy. They are light, glowing, easy to be with, and just generally at ease with themselves.”
So how do you keep that constant joy alive? Lia says, that depends on your way of thinking and your attitude. “Happiness is when one sees the positive side and focuses on that as opposed to the negative. To put it simply, a positive and happy person will focus on the solution, whereas a negative and unhappy person will focus and dwell on the problem.”
How do you keep happiness inside you?
It’s so easy to know you are happy when you’re surrounded by friends, family, or your favorite things. Or after meeting your celebrity crush and having a photo taken with him. But after those events, what happens? These are highlights in life. Not the usual. What’s important is to keep the joy burning inside you even during the most boring, frustrating, or even unhappy moments.
The best way to do this is to “notice your reactions to things, people, and events in your life,” says Lia. “When a negative incident happens and you find yourself saying: What am I supposed to learn from this? Or why am I attracting this? Or what do I need to address to stop this from happening repeatedly? Then you address negativity in your life by focusing on the lesson, the solution, and the reason it has happened to you. As such, you take responsibility for everything that happens in your life. An unhappy person will blame another, blame the situation, blame the circumstances but never try to grow from it because it is always someone else’s fault.”
Lia also says it is important to take a good look at your relationships. “Your relationships are the most objective and most accurate measure of where you are at in your life right now,” she says. “If you are still blaming your parents, your spouse, or your friend for your misery, then this is an indication that there is work to be done on yourself.”
Related: Early risers may be thinner, happier
How can you achieve happiness?
“The simplest secret to happiness is to learn to love yourself fully and completely,” shares Lia. “There are no short cuts, no person can make you happy, no job can make you happy, no home or car can make you happy. You create your own happiness. The only way to happiness is to fully accept, trust, and love yourself. In short, be the person you want everyone else to be.”
How exactly do you do that? Most of us look outward for happiness. I will be happy when I get that new dress, that new house, that new boyfriend, that new haircut. But notice how after you do get it, the happiness is fleeting. Lia says, “Focus on you. This is not selfish, this is growth. When you focus on yourself and ‘fix’ yourself, things around will automatically get fixed. If you are focusing on outside forces and other people, you will simply get frustrated and add more unhappiness into your life. Work on yourself.”
Related: 10 ways to get a positive outlook
What about unhappiness and sorrow?
Ah, a life without any sorrow or grief. Don’t we all wish for that? But that would be impossible. “Sorrow, grief, anger, sadness and so on are simply emotions that ought not to be judged but felt,” explains Lia. “How will you feel happy if you don’t know what sadness feels like? A loss in your life will create feelings of grief—this is a necessary part of losing someone you love. Being happy does not mean not feeling sadness ever, but rather, acknowledging and allowing sadness and addressing this as an opportunity for growth, or simply to just feel sadness at that particular moment because that is simply what you are feeling right now. These are emotions that one can never be without. However, a person who is truly happy can manage these emotions.”
So where do you think you rate on the happiness meter? How much work do you need to do in order to find true happiness? It’s not as easy as filling your life with the things you want, but in the long run, working on yourself and your attitude in life to find true happiness is more satisfying and definitely more lasting.