Childhood Secrets and Hidden Desires: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Family Intrigue

My little secrets

My family was middle class mutt of a family. My mom brought two daughters and one son, Tammy, Lilly, and Teddy, or “Tee” as we call him, into the marriage; she had with my dad, and they had two, my brother and me. My full brother’s name is Ken, and I’m Sam. My dad was an accountant and a part-time college professor at the local community college, and my mom stayed at home as a housewife. We were all dragged to church every Sunday and when we became of age we were allowed to choose whether or not we would go. Tammy was nine years older than me, and she as well as the others gave my parents such a hard time with the rearing process that by the time it got for me to choose, they weren’t having it for me. As I said Tammy is nine years older than me, Lilly is two years younger, Tee is another year younger. Ken is only two years older than me, so there was kind of a divide between the siblings, but “us-against-them” still rang true within the sibling versus parental unit battles—we would vouch for each other and corroborate the stories. We had more than we needed and had a reasonably happy life in all in all, however, drugs and alcohol started becoming a part of the children’s lives and became the pivotal point of our daily living, but that will come into play later…

When I was but a toddler, my sister would like to dress me up in her panties when her friends were over for a sleepover. I didn’t disagree with this being that I was only a toddler, but it sparked in me an appreciation for the feminine fabrics and fashions. I would sneak into my mom’s intimates and put on her slips and panties, and nylons. She didn’t have anything sexy; my mom was forty when she had me and my dad, forty-six—nothing special. I would get into her nightgowns and parade around the house, and the girls in the family found it cute, so they would call me “Samantha”.

When we would go out to the department stores I loved the feeling of the women’s underwear, the satins and silks, lycra and spandex, it all felt so wonderful to me. I remember I would raid my sister’s panty drawer and sneak on her panties, one time when I was in kindergarten, I wore some of her panties to school and didn’t remember about it until half way through class, but being only five my attention was diverted rather quickly and I carried on as any child would.

In my late elementary school, early middle school days, I would wear the panties I stole from my sisters, their friends, my friends’ sisters and masturbate… a lot! I probably jerked off more than necessary; I was a pretty horny little devil.

One time when I was thirteen, Ken and I were up late watching a porno flick that he had gotten his hands on and he asked me if I’d ever had a blowjob before. I said I hadn’t with a little trepidation, and we made a deal. If He sucked me off, then I’d suck him off—agreeing that we wouldn’t even have to look and we would just watch the porn going on. He got down on his knees and I sat down on the couch facing the TV and readied my dick, and he put it in his mouth briskly sucking it, as I reflect he probably wanted to just hurry up and get his end of the bargain complete so I would then be sucking his dick. I imagine his mouth started hurting or something because he asked for a change in position. As he pulled down is pants and revealed a rather sizable dick, I took a hold of it, and was about to put it in my mouth when I tensed up and got nervous and couldn’t. I told him so and he said it was ok, and we promised to never speak of this again.
The next night I invited my best friend from across the street over and invited him to the same deal. He went home and showered and came back. As I sucked his dick it tasted very soapy and I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not. When he got down to sucking my dick, he didn’t seem very thrilled I asked him what it tasted like and he told me “hand”. Like I said, I liked to masturbate a lot. That would be

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