Young Mans Secret Crush on His Cousin: A Tale of Embarrassment and Acceptance

I remember the first time I realized I was attracted to her. She staying with us -- my parents, my two older sisters, and myself -- at our place at the beach. I was twelve years old, and it was the fourth of July. We had all gone out to dinner, gotten some ice cream, and watched the annual fireworks show on the boardwalk. We were showered, tired, and ready for bed. We all sat in the living room, watching the Independence Day Concert on TV, my parents on one couch, my sisters on the other couch, and myself in the recliner. She came down the stairs, just having showered, her hair wet, in her pajama pants, and a t-shirt. Being the gentleman I was, I gave up me seat and sat on the floor. She sat in the recliner, and rolled into a ball as she watched TV. I turned to look at her, and because of the way she was sitting, and the way her legs were, she had a camel toe right along the entirety of her pussy. It was evident she wasn't wearing underwear. I stared at it for a good ten seconds, until she re-situated herself. I looked at her, and she was looking back with a judgmental glare. I'd been caught. I went back to watching TV, but I couldn't get my mind off of what I'd just seen. Being a pubescent, pre-teen boy, I had to rub one out immediately. So I said goodnight, ran upstairs into my room, laid down, and jerked off to the thought of her. It wasn't until I came that I thought to myself, "She's your cousin, you sicko..."

The following story is 100% true, as I remember it. There is no embellishment whatsoever. This all happened.

Jill is my oldest cousin, clocking in at 14 years older than me. She's on the shorter side, being only 5'4. However, she's by no means petite. I don't mean to say she's fat. In fact she's always been in damn good shape. She just has larger-than-average breasts (36DD), and a larger-than-average butt. She has a perfect smile and gorgeous eyes. Everything about her is just perfect. As weird as it is for me to say, my cousin is fucking hot.

After that first incident at the shore, I couldn't help but be repulsed by the thought of her. I'd jerked off to the thought of my own cousin. I felt so gross. I felt like scum. I had to keep my mind off of her. And I did. For a while. You see, my family has always been close with Jill, so any opportunity we got to spend time with her, we did. It wasn't always easy, seeing as how she lived almost 120 miles away. But we still made it work. More often than not, she would visit us.

It was Christmas time, and she had planned a visit for the second weekend in December. This would be the first time since the 4th of July incident that I'd be seeing her. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it.

The day arrived, and I had to clean my room. Whenever Jill would stay with us, she'd always stay in my room, pushing me to the couch. Being the youngest, I was always forced to make that sacrifice. I never usually cared, until this time. I didn't want her sleeping in my bed. But it wasn't her fault. It's not like she even knew I'd jerked off to her. I had no reason to be repulsed by her, other than for my own thoughts. I had to realize that. I couldn't treat her like she did something wrong, because she didn't.

She pulled up in her car, and I sat in the living room, just waiting for her to walk through the doorway. I was dreading it, but I was going to pretend there was nothing wrong. I had to. She knocked on the door, and my mom answered the door. They hugged, and Jill entered the house. She saw me, held out her arms for a hug, smiled at me, and it all melted away: the repulsion, the dread, everything. It was gone. I don't know how, but somehow just seeing her made it all better. I was incredibly happy to see her. I smiled, stood, and gave her a hug. Her big breasts pushed and squished against my chest. It was magnificent. There was just one problem: it was giving me a boner. I had to pull away before she felt it. I did, and she turned to my sister and gave her a hug. I sat down as fast as I could so no one would see. It was a close call, but I now had an erection, and it was because of my cousin.

My sexual attraction didn't go away. I just didn't feel grossed out this time. I don't know what it was that had me so attracted to her, but I had to get rid of this thing. I went up into my room, lied down on my bed, and began to jerk off. I was getting close, and I still didn't feel grossed out.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Shit. Jill's supposed to be setting up camp in here. I wasn't sure what to do. The obvious choice was to stop, but I was so close, that literally one more stroke would make me cum. I stopped, but it was too late. I was cumming.

"Alex?" she said from behind the door. I was panicking. I couldn't think of anything to say. She opened the door.

"GET OUT!!!" I yelled.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" she shrieked as she slammed the door shut.

God dammit. She just saw me cumming. This was easily the most embarrassing moment in my entire life. My face was steaming hot. I had no clue what to do. I couldn't believe she'd just seen me cum. And I was cumming to her! Granted, she didn't know that, but that just added to my embarrassment. But I had to stop panicking. I had to do something. I couldn't just stay in here all weekend. This was where she was sleeping. I had to get cleaned up, and go out there.

Was she waiting outside the door? Did she run and tell someone? Maybe she didn't even see anything. Maybe she got out quick enough. Ah, who am I kidding, of course she saw. I turned the doorknob, and opened the door slowly. She wasn't there. I exited my room, and headed toward the steps to go downstairs. The bathroom door opened next to me. It was her.

"You're gonna change those sheets, right?" she asked, without hesitation. I smiled nervously, but she wasn't smiling. She just kept walking, and brought her stuff into my room. I went downstairs, my stomach in my throat. I couldn't believe that had just happened. I just...couldn't believe it. 'This is a dream', I kept thinking to myself. I pinched myself. Not a dream. 'Maybe I can go back in time, somehow'. My mind was going in every direction, trying to think of how to make this go away. It wasn't going away. Just then...

"Alex!" I heard her call from upstairs. "Come here!"

I complied. I walked up the steps, on my walk of shame. When I got up there, I went into my room. There she was, sitting in my desk chair. "Sit down," she said, gesturing to the bed. Again, I complied. I sat with my hands folded in my lap, my palms sweating, more nervous than I'd ever been in my entire life. What was she going to say? Was she going to lecture me?

"There's no reason to act like I saw anything," she said. "We can keep this between us, and bury it. Pretend it never happened. Okay?"

"Okay," I mustered.

"You're a teenage boy. Obviously you're gonna do that kind of stuff. I just wish you said something when I knocked, so I didn't walk in on you." She smiled. Thank god. I thought she'd be mad. "Now go ask your mom for some new sheets. I'm not sleeping on those."

And that was that. I got her new sheets, and that weekend went on like any other weekend she'd visited. It was a little weird being around her, sure. But she'd been so cool, it was easy to bury it. And so we did.

....THREE YEARS LATER....

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