Being Lost But Feeling Found- Instagram Post

This year, I dated someone who blew me out of the water with his effort and courtship.

He made us picnics and always brought everything we needed (“Just bring yourself pretty girl!”), he planned movie dates, he asked about my love languages, he was intrigued by my business, he always reached for the check first, he made me laugh all the time and he never interrupted anything I said.

I thought he was pretty special.

AND.

I felt we had a solid amount of trust going on between us.

Long story short, after we had s*x he emotionally ghosted, stopped calling, stopped reaching out and even acted flustered when I would text him.

Amongst all of that, there was one major clue that told me everything I needed to know. I lied in bed awake one night wondering WTF IS HAPPENING HERE ?and my body shot through a realization for me. She said, “You know this feeling. You’ve been here before. You’re confused— and THAT is the sign” and in the moment, it all clicked.

Trust me, I wanted to brush it off and say “Ohhhh he’s just busy” but I knew that wasn’t the case. I also knew that giving him the benefit of the doubt was an old habitual pattern (most of ours really) and that it often led to staying in something that was emotionally abusive.

There were about five days between the ghosting and the realization I had where I felt really confused. And then once my body told me what was up, I trusted her. I promptly let him go, did a few heavy days of embodiment practices and then gave the jacket he left over to a homeless man. It was a much healthier process then the emotional turmoil I used to put myself through.

I think we all get the assurance from our bodies, but too often women override the realization moment and keep staying stuck in the part where they try to rationalize the unrationable.

If you find yourself in this kind of position, know that it isn’t a time for you to just show more love. If you’re making an effort to have clear communication, but you‘re being left out in the cold by blatant dismissal, trust your body when she says “I don’t like this feeling!” and walk away. It doesn’t mean we walk away from everything that feels icky— but ambiguity truly is certainty.

I’m curious, what are you feeling right now? What’s coming up for you energetically? What’s shifting?

EVERYWHERE I look, my friends and social media acquaintance alike are talking about the scaryyyy transformations they’re experiencing in big areas of life.

There’s the sensation of being lost at the same time of feeling found. There’s a death and a rebirth. There’s a longing to go off the grid while also craving to connect.

I was telling my friend that I’m gearing up for some big changes and I’m having to make room for whatever they are— cause I don’t know quite yet. I simply FEEL them marinating.

I said I’m a caterpillar in cocoon juices. ? It’s like I know there’s a big shift, but what it feels like is messy, mushy and a bit unclear.

Now, more than ever, there’s an opportunity to surrender to the unknown, to wait and to breathe.

Do your practices, spend time with people who feel like family, go into nature (even if it requires just imagining you’re a flower while you’re on the subway), talk to your therapist/coach and maybe the most important, use this as a time to DREAM.

Vision, imagine and journal about your feels, thoughts and ideas for what’s to come. It may just be the key to whatever your next step is.

This is so true…AND there is something to be said for acting “as if.”

I will be the first to tell you that one of my hugeeeee “hacks” for doing things confidently is to not tell anyone it’s my first time to do something…and to act as if I’ve done it every day of life ?.

Exhibit A… The first time I went to a nude Hot Springs, I didn’t tell my date (yes this was a THIRD date!) that I had never been to one before. I didn’t want him checking in on me to make sure everything was okay every five minutes.

So instead, I went in…stripped off my clothes… and strutted around naked like a champ. And thus, I actually felt incredibly comfortable and confident. I only told him afterwards that I hadn’t been naked in public like that before and he was SHOCKED it wasn’t a hobby of mine.

This same example could go for many things I’ve done in my life. My first podcast, first interview, first bodybuilding show manyyyy moons ago, first coaching session, first polarity event, etc etc etc.

Don’t be afraid to “fake” it a lil as if you’re playing a character in life. Your nervous system will love you for it.

What if you let delight lead you today?

Would you linger with your strawberry? Or perhaps massage your calves?

Would you smell the pages of your book? Or put cream in your coffee?

Would you touch your body without an agenda? Or see a movie by yourself?

Would you tell him you like him? Or split a croissant with your neighbor?

Would you wear the fluffy pink dress? Or get the witchy black nails?

Would you caress your uneven breasts with love? Or tickle your face with your hair?

Would you put your phone away? Or take a seat on a park bench?

Delight is always trying to find you. Are you open to finding it?

✨A reminder for you today: posting on social media every single day isn’t necessary to make an impact. Going to every party isn’t needed in order to keep being invited. Responding to every DM and email isn’t crucial in order to be liked. Holding space for every person isn’t mandatory if it drains you. Leaving a date early because you can’t find joy in the connection doesn’t mean you’re not spiritually mature. Crying every day doesn’t mean you’re unstable. Not crying at all doesn’t mean you’re cold. Spending a sunny day inside watching Netflix doesn’t make you lazy. Being lazy doesn’t make you less than.

You are perfect introverted or extroverted, happy or sad, in the light or in the dark, in the feminine or in the masculine, making money or losing money, on a creativity roll or going through a dry spell, feeling fresh or feeling in a rut. There’s room for all of it.