Unfiltered Laughter: A Collection of Dirty Jokes

Do you live on a chicken
farm? 'Cause you sure
know how to raise a
cock.
Are you a drill
sergeant? Because you
have my privates
standing at attention.
You're just like my little
toe, because I'm going
to bang you on every
piece of furniture in my
home.
Do you mix concrete
for a living? Because
you're making me hard.
If you're feeling down,
I can feel you up.
My dick just died. Would
you mind if I buried it in
your ass?
Are your legs made of
Nutella? Because I'd
love to spread them!
There will only be 7
planets left after I
destroy Uranus.
I'm no weather man,
but you can expect
more than a few
inches tonight.
Do you work at
Subway? Because you
just gave me a
footlong.
I may not go down in
history, but I'll go down
on you.
That shirt's very
becoming on you. If I
were on you, I'd be
coming too.
Do you work for UPS? I
could have sworn I
saw you checking out
my package.
I hope you like dragons,
because I'll be dragon
my balls across your
face tonight.
I think it's time I tell
you what people are
saying behind your
back... "Nice ass!"
I may not be a
windshield repairman,
but I can still fill your
crack in.
Do you know the
difference between my
dick and a chicken
wing? No? Well, let's go
on a picnic and find out!
Forget that! Playing
doctor is for kids! Let's
play gynecologist.
Are you a termite?
Cause you're about to
have a mouth full of
wood.
Your face reminds me
of a wrench, every
time I think of it my
nuts tighten up.
Excuse me, but would
you like an orally
stimulated orgasm?
Do you run track?
Cause I heard you Relay
want this dick.
Are you from the
ghetto? Cause I'm
about to ghetto hold of
dat ass.
You know what I like in
a girl? My dick.
Are you a doctor?
cause you just cured
my erectile
dysfunction.
Your legs are like an
Oreo Cookie - I wanna
split them and eat all
the good stuff in the
middle.
Have you ever kissed a
rabbit between the
ears? [Pull your pockets
inside out] Would you
like to?
I lost my virginity. Can I
have yours?
Hey babe, how about a
pizza and a f**k? [No]
What's wrong, don't
you like pizza?
Hey, you wanna do a
68? You go down on
me, and I'll owe you
one.
Someone vacuum my
lap, I think this girl
needs a clean place to
sit.
If I could rearrange the
alphabet, I'd put 'U'
between 'F' and 'CK'
F**k me if I'm wrong,
but isn't your name
Laura?
Hey Baby! I'd like to use
your thighs as
earmuffs.
You might not be the
best looking girl here,
but beauty is only a
light switch away.
Are you from Iraq?
'Cause I like the way
you Baghdad ass up.
Your breasts remind
me of Mount Rushmore
- my face should be
among them.
Hey baby, I think you
just made my two by
four into a four by
eight.
Is that a keg in your
pants? Because I'd love
to tap that ass.
Hey cutie, wanna go
halves on a baby?
You can call me cake,
cause I'll go straight to
your ass.
Are you hungry? Cause
omelette you suck this
dick.
Do you like pudding?
Cause I'll be pudding
this dick in your ass.
Can I read your t-shirt
in braille?
Do you know your
ABC's? Cause I wanna
give you the 4th letter
of the alphabet.
I'll give you a nickel if
you tickle my pickle.
You are so selfish!
You're going to have
that body the rest of
your life and I just
want it for one night.
Just remember: To
you, I am a virgin.
What's the speed limit
of sex? [what?] 68.
Because at 69 YOU
have to turn around!
I'm an astronaut and
my next mission is to
explore Uranus.
I'm like a Rubik's Cube,
the more you play with
me the harder I get!
What's the difference
between a Ferrari and
an erection? I don't
have a Ferrari.
Hi, do you want to
have my children? [No]
OK, can we just
practice then?