Young Woman's Forbidden Love Leads to Explorations of Desire and Identity

I think it was safe to say that Charlotte was my girlfriend. We talked about everything. I asked her if my mom knew she was gay, and she answered with a simple yes. I was going to ask her if they had done anything together, but I didn’t want to know. Charlotte, also, told me that she wasn’t one hundred percent gay; she was bi. This meant that, every now and then, she liked to visit her fuck buddy when she wanted the real thing. She, also, said that she’d had her heart broken ten years ago, so she was reluctant to have a proper relationship. I tried to think of who it could’ve been. Ten years ago, I was thirteen. It must have been Uncle Kadeem. I had started calling him uncle because he and Charlotte were inseparable for about four years.
She obviously saw my face drop when she said the thing about the relationship, and she pulled my face close to hers, kissed me, and said, “Jen, I have wanted you for a long time, and I am saying to you now, ‘I want you to be my girlfriend for as long as you want me!’”
I didn’t know what to say. Of course, I had wanted her badly, but was it just a crush or hormones? Obviously not, because I thought about her every minute of every day. Even when she hugged me, I could feel myself getting excited just from her touch.
We came to the conclusion that my age would cause all types of problems with my mom, so we discussed how we could make it work. We both truly wanted that to be the case. We, also, talked about Charlotte’s insatiable appetite for sex and her needs for new and exciting times, but she kept strongly emphasizing loyalty. The ideas that she told me about and the stories of her past got me so horny that I begged her to eat me out before she finished the conversation. She laughed and told me of three or more girls at once in bed, lesbian parties, bi-sexual orgies, and so many other stories. I was nervous about doing that kind of stuff, but, if she was with me, I would be willing to try it one day…maybe.
The first six weeks of my relationship with Charlotte were like heaven and hell. When I was with her, she made me feel so loved and special. But, when we were apart, I felt like my heart was breaking, and I was always trying to find any excuse to go to her house. My mom started to get concerned that I might be getting on Charlotte’s nerves by being around all the time, but Charlotte told her that she loved having me there like a little sister and that I was welcome 24/7.
Our lovemaking just got better every time we did it, and, after two weeks, we very happily proclaimed that we were in love. I knew I had been in love with Tony, but this, this was bigger than some heterosexual thing. Whenever I looked into Charlotte’s eyes, my stomach fluttered, and I just wanted to grab her and not let go. What was so weird was that we had started to talk a lot about orgies and group sex, and I didn’t feel any jealousy at all. But just the thought of myself being naked in front of a bunch of people I didn’t know had me on edge. I know that sounds immature, but look at how long it took me to take a shower in front of her.
Another problem we had was trying to play it cool in front of my parents. Charlotte would come over, and I’d sit on one side of the couch, and she’d sit on another, and we’d try not to look at each other, or not look at each other for too long. There was one time when we sat next to each other and neither of us noticed that we were holding hands, and I was so comfortable with her being next to me that, when I got up to get some water, I kissed her on the lips! I looked around quickly and saw that Mike was asleep and that Mom’s eyes were glued to the movie on the television. Whew!
Every year, our neighbors threw their annual Halloween costume party, and, ever since I’d turned nineteen, I’d been going. This year, Charlotte and I decided to go as slutty Catwoman twins. We got dressed in my room, and, when we went downstairs, my mom almost had a conniption. Charlotte and I both had on skintight black leather tights that we had cut up and over-the-knee leather boots. Our tops were leather bras, and I had on black leather gloves that came up almost to my shoulders, and Charlotte had biker gloves. Her hair was parted down the middle into two afro puffs, and my hair was slicked back into a ponytail. We each had on eye masks that tied behind our heads, and the icing on the cake was our whips.
Mom’s eyes were so wide that I thought her eyeballs would fall out of their sockets. “Where are the rest of your outfits?”
“What do you mean ‘the rest’?” I asked.
“Well, it looks like you might have accidentally cut some of it off.”
Charlotte and I laughed. “Mom, it’s supposed to look like this.”
“Oh, well, you hadn’t planned on wearing that to the Johansons’, had you?”
Charlotte and I looked at each other. Then, she said, “Well, yeah, Kat.”
I could see in my mom’s eyes that she wanted to say something so badly, but the fact that I was not a little girl anymore prohibited her every time. She exhaled deeply before saying, “All right,” and then she went back to looking at the computer.
The two of us walked two houses down to the Johansons’, and Mrs. Johanson answered the door dressed as a Viking princess. She had a gold Viking crown on her head, and she wore an orange corset and a long white skirt with two inch wide gold satin ribbon trim. Across her shoulders was a gold cape with orange ribbon accents.
“Hello! Welcome!” She was clearly intoxicated. “Oh, you two are the most adorable things! Come in! Be merry! There’s liquor in the kitchen!”
As we walked through the house, heads turned, and the whispering began. I couldn’t make out all of it, but I could hear some.
“Who is that?”
“Look at those…”
“I would put so much dick in her…”
“Jen?”
That one I heard clearly and knew all too well. I turned around to the Incredible Hulk or, without a costume, Tony. Tony was naturally super strong with bulging muscles. Whenever he was out in public, people stopped and stared at how big his arms and chest were.
“Hey! What are you doing here?”
“I was invited.”
“By who? I invited you two years in a row, and you said it wasn’t for you.” He just looked at me. That meant he didn’t want to tell me. “Well?”
“Well, what?”
“Who invited you?” He just laughed. “Or who are you here with?”
“Man, anyway…”
He walked away.
Bastard. But I found Charlotte again. We got some drinks and tried to guess who was under each costume. The best thing about these parties was that everyone was anonymous. We kept drinking, and she kept whispering nasty, delicious stuff in my ear all night, and I had to go to the bathroom twice to wipe myself!
When I came out of the bathroom again, I heard, “Jen?”
This time, it was a female. I turned to see the sluttiest Girl Scout I’d ever seen. It was my best friend since eighth grade, Paris Chao. She was black and Asian. Her dad was…well, I don’t know what he was—Chinese, Japanese, or Korean—but he was Asian, and her mom was black. She wore a green beret, and she had her black hair spiral-curled, so the curls bounced on her shoulders. She had on a low-cut white tie top. It had green trim on the sleeves, and it stopped right below her breasts. She had on the shortest green pleated skirt that teased the eye. I was pretty sure every guy was waiting for her to either bend over or just move a little too fast. And, lastly, she had on white knee highs and black heels and a green sash with “Cookie Girl” printed in gold on it.
“Hey, Paris.”
“It’s about time you got here! Is Charlotte with you?”
“Yeah, why?”
“’Cause Tony’s here with tacky Mrs. Clause.” Paris very obviously pointed to Mrs. Clause.
Her butt was so humongous that her dress didn’t even cover it. She had on black fishnet stockings, and we could blatantly see her red velour thong with white fur on the top. Her too small, too tight dress was low-cut, and her ginormous breasts looked like they were fighting to burst out of the opening. She had on what looked like six-inch high, bright red, over-the-knee leather boots with buckles up the side, and she wore a curly half wig that flowed down her back and a red headband. But her natural hair, which was showing in the front, was nappy and thin, and, to make her look even more like a stereotype, she had on the longest fake nails I’d ever seen in my life.
“That’s what he left you for? Bitch…ugly and ghetto.”
I just shook my head, and we walked back to Charlotte. I had told Paris about my new lover, but the two had never met.
“Hey, babe. This is my best friend Paris. Paris, this is Charlotte.”
“Hi.”
Charlotte got up and hugged her. “Hey, baby.”
For the rest of the night, we drank and flirted with guys and laughed. Paris got so drunk that she tripped, and her breasts fell out of her shirt. We laughed so hard, and then she picked up her tits and waved them in my face.
“Hello, Jen,” she said in her Mickey Mouse voice. “I think you should help me back in my shirt!”
I laughed, but, on the inside I was thinking, I’ve seen Paris naked plenty of times, but I’ve never touched her naked! I picked up each perfect breast and put them back into her shirt.
She bit her bottom lip, smiled, and said, “Thanks!” before walking away.
I was about to think that that was weird until Charlotte came up behind me and whispered, “Why didn’t you ask me for help?”
“Huh?”
“She’s sexy as hell!”
I quickly elbowed her in the ribs. “Shut up!”
As the party went on, I couldn’t stop thinking about touching my friend’s naked breasts. I must have started daydreaming because I jumped when Charlotte came up behind me and grabbed my ass. When I realized that no one was around, I quickly turned around and kissed her on the lips. Only it wasn’t Charlotte…it was Paris!
“Oh, God! I’m sorry, Paris. I thought you were Charlotte.”
“Hey! It’s okay. Charlotte wouldn’t mind you kissing your best friend, would she? I mean, it’s not like we fucked, is it?” The more she talked, the more I realized how drunk she was. “I mean, it’s not like we did this.” She grabbed the back of my head and gave me a deep tongue kiss!
When she pulled away, I didn’t know what to say. “Wow, Paris! You really are a good kisser. But you’ve had more practice than me.”
I expected her to laugh at our usual humor, but her eyes filled with tears, and she said, “Fuck you, Jen!” Then, she left the party.
I rushed to find Charlotte to tell her what happened.
“Relax. I’ll find her. Keep your phone handy. I’ll text you.” Then, she disappeared out the door.
I tried entertaining myself by watching Mrs. Clause talk to the Joker, a burglar, and Tarzan. Where was the Hulk? If that would have been me, the three men would have been thrown across the room, and I would have been cursed out. No doubt Tony was a little psycho, and crazy mixed with super strength was a terrible combination. I looked around, and there was the Hulk by the punch bowl, drinking and staring at me.
Just then, my phone vibrated, and it was Charlotte. Her text read, “Meet me in the BB&T parking lot.” I looked back at Tony, who was still staring and now walking toward me.
“Hey, lady.”
“Hey.” I looked at Mrs. Clause. “Your bitch needs a leash. That’s not a good look.”
He smiled. “She’s a stupid hoe.”
“But you’re with her, so what does that make you?” He shrugged his shoulders. “Well, enjoy your new girlfriend.” I started to walk away.
“She ain’t my girlfriend.”
I kept walking. BB&T sat right in front of my house. I walked over and met the two girls.
“Jen,” Charlotte started, “Paris wants to watch us have sex.”
My mouth dropped. I stared at them both, trying to see if this was some practical joke. But they both just kept smiling at me. My life had been completely changed ever since I’d turned over this new gay leaf. “Um, what?”
“Paris loves you because you guys have been friends for so long, but now she’s curious about being gay and thinks that, if she watches you have sex, it will help make up her mind about being gay, straight, or bi.”
I looked at them both. “No offense, but what the fuck? Paris, can’t you just watch a fuckin’ porno like I did?” Tears came into her eyes again. “Oh, boo hoo!”
“I told you she wouldn’t understand.”
Then, Charlotte stepped in. “Jen! Don’t be a bitch!”
“Well, it’s a little too late for that, Charlotte!”
I turned and started walking to my house when Charlotte grabbed me and whispered, “Remember I told you I needed this in a relationship?”
“And do you remember when I said I might be interested, but wasn’t comfortable?”
She gave me a confused look. “I can’t be in a relationship with a close-minded person.”
“Oh, trust me. You don’t have to be.”
Her face brightened. “Okay then. So my place?”
I shook my head. “Fuck off, Charlotte.”