"So I've been thinking," I started, regarding Fiona over a steaming mug of some dark, Ethiopian blend. What with me living in an enchanted forest and Fiona subject to the vagaries of UK government policy, we seldom had a chance to meet, and social distancing made even this café rendezvous an awkward rather than intimate moment.

Fiona blew an errant blonde lock away from her cool blue eyes, which narrowed suspiciously. "Again?" It was almost a sneer.

"I don't know what you mean," I said, adopting an air of innocence that would fool no one, and certainly not Fiona.

"Oh, please." She snorted in disgust. "I can see you counting the words. What is it now? Forty? Fifty?"

"One twenty," I conceded, with an exaggeratedly sulky expression.

She scowled at my theatrics for a minute, then relented. "Last year's was fun," she said. "We could do that again."

"No, thank you." Last year she took control of the narrative and I spent half the story tied to a trolley while some anonymous cock had its way with me - which I hadn't minded at the time, but it's difficult to satisfy myself (let alone you, dear reader) when restricted to seven hundred and fifty words.

"Why do you do that?" Fiona asked. "Why use three words instead of one number? Just write '750' and free up a couple of words. It's amazing what you can do with two words."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes indeed."

"Like what?"

"Double penetration."

"Mmm... Where?"

"You choose."

"How about -"

"Your ass."

"What, both?"

"Yes. Together."

"Ah, but -"

"Ahh, butt!"

I laughed.

"Stop that," she added sternly. "It'll be a miracle if anyone even reads this far, and we haven't even got to the sex yet. There will be sex, yes?"

I shrugged negligently. "We're not even halfway through. Plenty of words left for sex. Just need some virile cocks to entertain us."

Fiona sighed. "Easier said than done, these days, with everyone isolating at home."

A deep, masculine voice interrupted us. "Excuse me, ladies."

At a nearby table, eavesdropping on our uncautious chatter, a trio of Aussie surfer dudes sat sipping tall glasses of Coca Cola. Their blond, windswept hair, sun-crisp tans and rippling muscles were everything a horny young woman might wish for. Exactly what they were doing in an English village far from the coast was anyone's guess.

"We couldn't help overhearing," he said, grinning widely. "My friends and I have been in quarantine for two weeks. We're clean, we're horny, and we're very well endowed."

By the bulge at his crotch, this was no exaggeration. Fiona and I exchanged a wordless agreement, and by the end of the sentence we were being ushered into the surfer dudes' flat, located conveniently near to the café. ("Seriously?" she muttered. "That's just lazy writing.")

Being well mannered gentlemen, they did not keep us waiting, but disrobed immediately and assisted Fiona and I into a similar state of readiness. "I know there's a word limit," grumbled Fiona, "but some foreplay would be nice."

I rolled my eyes. "Give the lady what she wants, boys," I said. One nameless Australian grabbed her from behind, his hands mauling her breasts, his hard cock pressing against her buttocks as he bent to kiss her neck; another knelt before her, kissing between her thighs and seeking out the hot core of her lust; and the third stood watching, displaying a rigid member that would have put the fear of God into any virgin maid. So aroused was he, as he gazed hungrily into her eyes, that great strings of glistening precum whipped back and forth about his stroking hand.

"Actually, I think I'll take this one," I said, stepping in front of Mr Big and pushing my bum back against that proud weapon. "Fuck my tight ass, you gorgeous stud," I growled as his hands discovered my breasts and squeezed playfully. I sighed with delight as he lined up for entry, and murmured my appreciation as he massaged that ring of muscle with the soft head of his cock, smearing it liberally with natural lubricant.

In front of me, Fiona was pulled down to her knees, still sandwiched between her two ardent lovers. "Ah!" she cried as she was skewered from behind, though she was quickly riding the thick pole that penetrated her. "No fucking way!" she screamed as a second cock sought entry in the same hole. "Stop! Just fucking stop, Ali."

Sighing, I stopped. I'd run out of words, anyway.